[2023-01-05 05:33:44.236] PAPER: BogoTheDumass/(Joe Bama) has printed "How to kill a dumb AI" (id: 10655) by Sammy Rufu from a book management console. [2023-01-05 05:38:43.303] PAPER: BogoTheDumass/(Joe Bama) wrote to paper: "Have ye heard the tale of The King of Maintenance? It’s not a tale spoken aloud by commanders in their lofty offices. Rather, it is a tale shared among the downtrodden, tunnel-dwelling staffies of Nanotrasen’s stations. They tell the tale of the greatest among them, he who ruled. They tell the tale of Andre Smith. - - Andre was a normal assistant. His toolebelt was full, and his hands were bedecked with the mark of poverty: Budget Insuls. - - While Andre was doing his rounds, he managed to get to a lathe, and emptied it of gold. With the gold, he constructed himself a crown to place upon his head, and thus his ambitions to rule began. - - Next, Andre found the head of personnel. The HOP was a man of good moral character, and gave Andre a fitting title for his ID: The King of Maintenance - - With this, Andre began his rule. He wielded his mighty baseball bat righteously, solving disputes between his fellow staffies, and making renovations to his kingdom. Eventually, Andre founded The Knights of the Vaguely Triangular Table, and gave them all holy bats to deal justice in his name. - - Andre acted justfully, and discouraged his subjects from Greytiding rampantly, and told them to use their powers for good. Andre himself used his bat only ornamentally, for the beginning of his reign. He ordained his kingdom a peaceful place, and felt no need to engage in needless violence. Still, he was given gifts by the Lord of Crate to become stronger. He was given a set of mighty Riot armor, that shined brightly with holy zeal, and protected him from harm. All was well in the Kingdom of Tunnels. - - Then, the contractor struck. A staffie by the name of Zoe was attacked right in front of Andre, by a masked Syndicate villain. Andre struck the fiend with his wooden holy weapon, but only managed to bruise the assailant as he ran off, the assistant strapped to a hospital bed dragged with him. Andre gave chase, and, realizing the King would not abandon his subject so easily, the agent opened fire on Andre. The bullets barely scratched Andre’s armored body, but they were enough to make The King slow to dodge, and the contractor took the opportunity to run, leaving the strapped down staffie in the hall as they fled into the Kingdom of Tunnels. Andre knew this would not be the last this villain would terrorize one of his subjects, but he took this small victory and took his subject to med. - - As Andre’s renown increased, so too did the gifts he was given by the other rulers of the station. The Lord of Crate gave Andre and his knights rifles to fight villains who fought at a range, and the Duke of Personnel gave Andre more access, so that he may more suitably secure his empire. The Sorcerer of the Supermatter bedecked The King with the newest tools and insulated gloves, so no door could stand in his way. - - During a sweep of the Kingdom, one of Andre’s knights found a fake nuclear disk. Andre gave this to the Count of Security, who used his forensic devices to track down a Syndicate member, but this agent was not the one Andre truly wanted. Andre knew that the contractor was still out there, and there could be no telling who would win their final battle. - - The confrontation came at shift time two hours. The contractor attacked one of Andre’s knights, and when Andre attempted to intervene, he used a dastardly teleporting rod to stun him and move him to the next room. The king was not so easily deterred, however. He chased the contractor through the Maints as he ran, but the agent did not realize that he was trespassing, and Andre knew these tunnels far better than he. - - One of Andre’s knights tackled the contractor, but was teleported. This, however, was just what Andre needed. While the contractor was in between swings, Andre’s bat swung righteously swung through the air, knocking the villain to the ground. Losing his weapon, the contractor was helpless as the King rained blow upon blow upon him, crushing the agents skull easily. The foul creature lay twitching in its own blood, and Andre was victorious. - - Upon the announcement, security swarmed to the scene of the battle. The captain congratulated Andre with a Medal, and the Kingdom was once again, safe. - - The rest of Andre’s reign was relatively peaceful. At the end of the shift, the arena shuttle was called. Many died, but Andre’s armor gave him an advantage, and he slaughtered his way to freedom. He got to centcomm safe, his glorious crown still upon his head. - - And so, that is the legend. Some say Andre still lurks in the tunnels, waiting for villainy to occur so he may strike it down. Others say he was promoted to a captain, and ruled an entire ship, not just the tunnels. But one thing is for sure. The Legend of the Maintenance King will echo through the minds of staffies for generations, and the mighty thwak of his bat will inspire fear in syndicate agents for years to come."